I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
