u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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