Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
