i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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