she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
