On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
