the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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