You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
