I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
