tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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