Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
