Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
