I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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