I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
