Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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