Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
