I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
