you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
