So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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