so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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