Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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