well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
