ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize