The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
