i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
cat food counts as protein by the way
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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