I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
soo... how was my night?
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