So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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