you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize