Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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