i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize