he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize