At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
