my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
