Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
