yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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