new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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