none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
