just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
