Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
