You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm at about main and main street
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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