His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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