I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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