Small penises have feelings too.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
