At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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