i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
