My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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