I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
His nipple licking is glorious
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