yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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