eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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