We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I believe in your delicious
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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