i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My vagina is officially offended.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
