ugly people sure do ruin things
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
