I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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