I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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