I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
