these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize