Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
