come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize