I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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