Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
